Do you really do what you wanted to do?
Probably you know the phrase “to put yourself into someone else’s shoes”. Nice metaphor – in the usual use completely inoperative. And in my (Meike’s) case it would probably be very uncomfortable for you to wear my shoes, because one of my feet is smaller than the other. So it would be a tough thing to try to put yourself into my shoes.
And here are the good news: To try this communication tip is much easier!
Anyway the statement behind the metaphor is pretty much useful!
So in a conversation it can be extremely helpful to put yourself notional in the place of your conversational partner.
And then observe yourself carefully.
What do you hear?
Is the content of what you say really what you wanted to let your partner know?
Did you wanted him to know he did something wrong, or did you wante her/him to think about another way to do it?
Did you wanted him/her to be home in time - or did you want to tell her/him that you love her/him and was worrying where she/he was? …
And is the style you say it the way you like?
Is the volume helpful for both of you? Would you better like to choose a friendlier tonality? …
What do you see?
Do your gestures express what you wanted to express?
Would a hug be more supportive to the message you wanted to send? …
Do you think your facial expression is the one you like?
Could you somehow look more interested in what he/she says? …
What do you feel?
How do you feel when you see and hear you like this?
Is this the way you wanted your conversational partner to feel? What would help you to feel like you wanted him to feel? A smile here and then? A softer tonality? A flower in your hands? …
Possibly you reach faster what you wanted for both of you if you just easily change a little detail, like your tonality for example.
Worth a try, isn’t it?
P.S.: Sometimes a video of you can be useful to find out how you come across as. Just sit down and find out what you want to try next time. And if you are very brave you can ask a friend or even the conversational partner on the video to watch it with you and say his opinion!